Thursday, June 25, 2015

The #BeHappy Endeavor (A Post for Twenty-Somethings)

Current Mood: Funky
Current Jams: What the Fuck?-If/Then Original Soundtrack
I've been feeling funky lately. And not in a cool, retro, big hair 70's kind of way; more like the time the final Harry Potter book came out and I realized there was almost nothing to look forward to in life anymore. Just kidding, there is nothing to look forward to in life anymore (WHYYY J.K. ROWLING, WHYYY???!!!). I think the biggest reason I've been feeling a little adrift is because I had this vision of what my mid twenties would look like (thank you Lena Dunham, Sex and the City, and every "Cosmopolitan" article ever) and it's not even close to matching up. I really thought I'd be thirty, flirty, and thriving at this point, with the added bonus of not actually being in my 30's. Instead I feel, to borrow from a favorite musical of mine, "stuck like a schmuck and I suck", with the added bonus of living at home with my parents. (HIGH FIVE for all the other twenty somethings that have failed to launch!) 

I am clearly being hyperbolic for the sake of entertainment, I actually like living with my parents. But the point is I think the millenial masses have been mislead; it is a crock of shit that we should have anything figured out at 26, let alone everything. I've been feeling so frustrated and irked that my life is not where I want it to be. See the Misery Trifecta: 1 stalled career/job+1 non-existent love life+ 1 negative body image= a thrice grumpy, frustrated woman. I feel a little gipped guys, I'm not going to lie. I feel like I should be crushing it at happy hours in a little black dress surrounded by a circle of suitors who can't resist the gravitational pull of my confidence and allure. (Which, of course, was after I left the office for the day wearing the self-satisfied glow of a woman doing the job that she loves. While Leaning In and all that crap).
But the reality is, I'm just not there yet. I don't feel remotely close to being there and that is what has been the root of my funk. I appreciate balance in all things, and the fact that I feel the scales have not only tipped but have completely bottomed out and quit being scales all together SUCKS. For the past couple of months I have felt a continual loop of lost, stuck, frustrated, angry, exhausted, irritable, insecure, pessimistic, grumpy, and funky. The most frightening thing of all though is the fact that I haven't felt like me. And then last night I had a revelation: I'm not frustrated because these things aren't happening to me or for me, I'm frustrated because I've been allowing them to frustrate and consume me to such a point that it has made me feel lost. I'm more upset with myself for feeling this way than the things that upset me in the first place. I also actually felt a toxic feeling in my chest and body, like a superhero exposed to radiation but without the cool powers (gipped again).  I have indubitably been living for the weekends and that fucking TERRIFIES me; I don't want to wish my life away. So I have decided to start the #BeHappy Endeavor

The #BeHappy Endeavor:
In short, this is my plan to expel all of the negative and toxic energy I feel I have unconsciously been exposing to the world and to myself. I have pledged to two tasks: 1) post a picture on instagram every day for 100 days of something that made me smile (a repeat of my former #100dayshappy challenge) and 2) perform a random act of kindness each day. I am taking back control of my own feelings and my own happiness. I think that in appreciating something each day and putting good, kind energy out there in an attempt to better someone else's day, I will find my way back to a better, more optimistic happy place; I think I will find the way back to crazy, zany, me. And I feel so much better already.

And here's the take away message for all my fellow twenty-somethings: Be happy. Each day find something to make yourself smile. And relax, because it's all gonna work out. Let's enjoy the crazy mess that is our twenties and make some stupid mistakes while we still can, because we are definitely not supposed to have it all figured out yet.

Time has a strange habit of running away from me lately, so hopefully I will be able to post more with this new undertaking. Also, please comment or send me ideas of some random acts of kindness that you've thought of!

As always,
you are beautiful.